sometimes i want to run away, into the future, away from the pain, away from the memories, towards something brighter, anything brighter. in those moments, the future holds hope, light, newness. it’s a better me, a more stable life, relationships that just might stick. but in the worst of times, when the darkness consumes me, i just want to hide. hide from my past, from the inevitable future, from my friends, my family, my feelings, myself. i want someone to comfort me, anyone to comfort me. but no one is there. i’m alone, and i’ve realized that i will always be alone. i can’t escape. and i’m terrified of this crushing loneliness, terrified of continuing to feel it, and terrified of what it would mean to stop feeling it.